Part-2:
Bas ...
This post reminded me with a post I have sent two years ago.. which is about
"هييه كبرنا و بقينا فى البكالوريوس"
and as you may remember, I mentioned that I can't imagine that I am now in the last year in coll. and I told you some funny stories about naughty childhood :)..
Now.. and before completing my first year in the work-world by few days.. I am writing now "One year experience in Centrivision ..."
Days ago.. mamti "as I am calling my mother" gave me some old notebooks for me.. I opened the first one and I was shocked and surprised..
When we were in the coll.. we used to write down our plans and dreams for the coming week, month, 5 month and a year..
You will find in my old notebooks plans for being a "Da3eya" or to "teach children some things" ..
You will see that ana we Shimaa"Osh as Sara called her:)" dreamed to live together in any place in the world to keep our friendship forever .. you will see some funny notes written during the lectures when ana and Osh were setting together...
Mamti told me that I changed to the better.. she guessed that I am now more mature but I don't think so..I am facing a difficulty in crying and expressing my thoughts ..It was the easiest thing a year ago!
When I read my notes and plans.. I found that I had a vision to be a good girl .. I was thinking in the world around me.. my faculty and the activities .. organising the courses..
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Yes.. it changes my personality..
Mamti and my friends told me that..
After seeing my own plans from a year and now it will be completely different..
When I remember my life in coll, I become depressed.. Yes.. I was planning to improve my personality, become more near to the religion and community... I was trying when I was in the coll. to concentrate in the ethical part of things..
Shimaa was the one who was supporting me.. but we are human beings.. you sometime deviate from the right way to make the things done ..some persons called it "flexibility" and I am calling it decreasing my children feelings "bara2a" ..
yes.. the life in the closed community like the coll, is a very good environment to keep your ethics and religion..
I believe that it is normal that our Emaneyaat is increasing and decreasing.. but when I analyze the difference between this year the previous year...I decided to STOP and revise my own life and think how to -at least return to my previous state-..
Although the environment in my company is helping to increase the technicality but let me say that there are very few things added to my personality.. instead.. I become more nervous.. more stressed.. lose friends.. talk so fast and and have a communication problem..
After year from the coll. life , I become more over weighted.. have some health problems that I am trying to quit from by working more.. I hate to feel ill..
I am still that child that become afraid from load voice...
Do you know? I dream to be an ideal to the children that I will teach one day.. I dream to have a very big class of children to teach and play with them...
In the third and last part from these posts, I will show you my gain and loss from being here, and my advice to anyone wants to know whether joining small company is the right decision in his early age or not.
4 comments:
Salam alikom WA rahmat Allah WA brakatoh
First, thank you for your nice post. I liked it very much. Second, I did not used to post replies on the blogs that I read. Actually this is my first reply in any blog but your idea about how we may change after sometime in real life is very important and we were always talking about it – me and my friends from my dof3a – from time after graduation and till now.
I do not have a complete understanding for what happened to us after graduation and how our dreams get changed but I know some things that may have a great effect on this.
• Most of what we had before graduation were dreams no more and for sure dreams will finish when you wakeup and face real world
• We did not had really “Our Own Rules for Life “ and we did not set “Our Own Priorities in life” so it was normal for us to follow different rules and have different priorities from what we want because we did have clear ones from our own
• It is normal when we go with tough life for a while to forget many great things we always dreamed with especially if we decide to postponed these dreams for a while to achieve some nearer goals and by the time we my find ourselves totally far from what we dreamed with in the beginning.
By the way I do not call this change “flexibility” or “decrease of bara2a” but I think we lose our great dreams in the middle of the noise and keep going with this noise to some way we maybe do not know when and where it will end. And for me this was always a nightmare because I am not ready to give up and let it all go because this the nature of life and to avoid this we saw we have to do something always remember us what are our dreams and do something to move on the way of achieving them. We always trying to do some religious stuff together and always trying to have time for self evolution and readjusting things to move in the right direction. This is not easy at all but we have to do all what we can to keep these great dreams live and I think they worth effort we may do.
Finally there is some Aya one of my closed friends told me it maybe describe all of this
"الم يأن للذين آمنوا أن تخشع قلوبهم لذكر الله وما نزل من الحق ولا يكونوا كالذين أوتوا الكتاب من قبل فطال عليهم الأمد فقست قلوبهم وكثير منهم فاسقون(16)اعلموا أن الله يحي الأرض بعد موتها قد بينا لكم الآيات لعلكم تعقلون(17)"
فطبيعي ان الانسان مع الحياة بكل مافيها قد يطول عليه الامد وينسى بعض اهدافه وهذه سنة كونية ولكن المفروض ان الانسان يحاول ان يحي قلبه من حين الى اخر حتى لا يقسو قلبه و تموت اهدافه
وجزاكم الله خيرا.
As I told you before... and I keep on telling... I really love reading your posts...
It makes me travel to somewhere.. listen, smell and see other things... and also it reminds me of the writings of someone who is dear to me..
although I saw a tiny part of your great adventure.. your description is always different...
But let me tell you something my dear friend... Life is not a movie that ends up with every problem in the whole world being solved in the perfect way...unfortunatly..life is so different.. In order to get and reach some of your dreams..you have to sacrifise others...which is sometimes very hard and very painful...The real problem is when you stop at a time and think that some of your decisions were wrong and that you shouldn't be here... But for you... I think you will never reach that point... for you always knew your wishes.. and you always knew which path to go to...
You lost some valuable things...but you gained others...you may feel tired right now...but no doubt that you also feel happy and so satisfied from yourself...
Don't ever forget that your very hard moments are the ones that you will happily remember after that when you reach your goals..because that hard moments are the ones that give you the overwhelming feeling of success..
Keep the good work..I'll wait for your third surprise...don't be late :)
:D beroz hyah beroz, mesh hatet3'ayyar abdan ;) ba7ebak ya beroz we ba7eb bara2tek ;) wish for you a happy life :)
do you know I wish if we (both of us) we yah law Sara ma3ana, change our companies and start our small business or go to a company together and be the architecture team of the company and develop components that the company teams can reuse and may sell them as a service or even a product. Many ideas but they neeeeeed a plan and to do a step towards this :)
to be more mature means to be less expressive , as maturity level increases u consider lots of issues taking your decision in nonstated matter easily , so when u try to state it u find it really hard , u will ask why did i do so ?? and why didn't i do so ?? and so on .
if u tried to answer such question , and continued expressing your thoughts , u will be Thinker or Ideologist by time .
finally expressing emotions is much easier than expressing thoughts , and as u become more mature as "Mamtik" said , i think u have lots of thinks.
any way i would like to appreciate your ambitin , Keep Moving Forward , Never Stop
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